Use other words without repeating what you hear word for word.

The information will relate to a specific aspect of the social object (person, group, society, etc.). The attitude to the person / group as an orienting and at the same time decisive moment for establishing the psychological situation will be expressed clearly, concretely, adequately – in a verbal, non-verbal or paraverbal way.

However, effective cooperation or simple coexistence with people / groups of other identities – ethnic, sexual, individual, sociocultural, religious, requires a deeper knowledge of them, which can be achieved through communication through exchange of ideas that will help identify similar and different traits communicate.

To build a successful relationship, keep in mind that:

Every person is what they are, and if I want to have my own unique personality, then others want it. Everyone has the rights granted to him by law, and in this we are equal. Another person / group has the same needs and aspirations as I do – to be respected. meaningful, valued, trustworthy. Every person / group has its strengths, which can be relied on in the process of communication. Everyone / group is subject to change. I am different for another – just as he is for me.

In the process of communication features of thinking, speech, reactions, behavior are revealed; traditions, habits, rituals (family and extra-family); communication style; beliefs and convictions; aspirations and aspirations; forms of expression of the inner world. At the same time the points of contact with the other / others are determined. At the beginning, it is possible that some views on things will be incomprehensible, goals – unclear, reactions – strange, actions – suspicious. And only after some time, as a result of direct communication with a person / group, you consider them logical and justified, but only if they do not violate the norms of morality, social rules and values.

The attitude that I do not like what I think is superfluous, of course, can not but cause dissatisfaction, opposition, negativity, rejection and a desire to assert their value in any way, including violent.

The process of communication involves the presence of two active parties, so it is very important such an aspect as the ability to listen. Hearing and listening are different concepts, and often the last of them is ignored. It is very important to be a good listener to build successful relationships with others. The following exercises promote the development of tolerance in relationships and can be used not only in the classroom, but also in everyday educational activities.

Listen carefully

Improper communication is a constant source of stress. What we are given the worst in the process of communication is the ability to listen. To develop this ability, you should not think about something else. Try to be constantly included in reality. First of all, try to really listen to the conversation without thinking about other things or what you have to say. Use nonverbal cues to emphasize what you are really listening to. Bend down, make eye contact, confirm by tilting your head what you are listening to. At the same time do not be impatient, do not move away, do not play with different objects.

This may seem strange, but your interlocutor also needs silence, so it is very important to give him enough time to do so. Do not rush to fill the pause, even if you really want to. Sometimes the speaker feels the need to concentrate. Give him that opportunity.

Finally, you can say something to help the interlocutor continue the conversation. Ask open-ended questions so that he can more easily unravel the problem, but not closed-ended questions that suggest "yes" and "no." If necessary, confirm what you understand, thereby emphasizing the reality of communication. In any case, show that you are interested in the conversation.


At first, what you do may seem unnatural, so you need to practice constantly, and in a short time you will achieve that you will be considered a good interlocutor. Non-verbal communication should not be underestimated. For example, eye contact is very important in order to be a good (or vice versa) listener.


For both you and your interlocutors, the art of listening eliminates the stress of misunderstanding and miscommunication. In addition, you allow the interlocutor to feel his value, thus helping him to avoid stress.

Repeat the passage

If you do not really listen to the language of your partners, your chances of achieving a good result are small. In the "Listen carefully" exercise above, we addressed the importance of the ability to listen, but this is not enough. The means of expression are not always successful in communicating what we really want to say. If we really want to hear, we need to be sure that what we hear is exactly what the partner wants to say.

Ask a friend or colleague something that interests them but you know little about. Interrupt it periodically to retell what you have understood. Do this exercise many times over several weeks.


Reproduction of what is heard is the main tool of communication. Without it, we will never be sure that we have traced the whole logical chain of what is told to us, and this can lead to misunderstandings, as in a broken phone. Use other words without repeating what you hear word for word. This feedback can become threatening, being seen as a critique of what is said. If you feel that the interlocutor is getting nervous, you can say something like: “I’m sorry, I’m not in the best shape today, let me make sure I understood correctly. Do you want … ". In this case, the blame for a possible misunderstanding lies with you, not the partner.


Proper listening is the most difficult part of communication. If you listen inattentively, your communication will fail, as will the negotiations. Checking what you hear increases your chances of success.


This exercise seems quite simple, but can be very effective. During the negotiations, some aspects identified by the interlocutor may seem unacceptable to you. Do not rush to openly reject them, but use a "naive" reaction, worthy enough for an educated person. Say you don’t understand them. Acknowledge your ignorance and ask me to explain in more detail. Be prepared to do this several times. Apply this method at the next meeting if you think that someone in the audience said something strange and incomprehensible.


For successful use of this method it is necessary to refuse zarozumacknowledging that you did not understand what was said. In reality, we should all do just that more often. This would make communication difficulties less.

When a partner is put in a situation where he needs to provide more information about something, the following can happen: obvious discrepancies are revealed, and, trying to justify the situation, the partner digs a hole from which he can no longer get out, or new ones appear in the discussion. opportunities. It may not help the situation, but clarifying it will open up new perspectives that can change the situation. Or re-analysis will force the partner to retire. Even if nothing has changed, you have learned a lot of valuable things. It happens that a naive attack can defuse the situation. It is important to note that even without accepting this aspect, you do so peacefully, acknowledging that you are ignorant of the matter.


Under the guise of naivety, you can achieve a lot without resorting to threats.


Some of us know how to praise others when they have done something useful – and that’s great, because maybe they would do the same to us. Constant encouragement and approval prevents the feeling that we are not valued, which leads to stress.

But sometimes no one praises you. Perhaps those who have to do a tree grows in brooklyn summary chapter 1 this are very busy or just don’t know how to tell someone that they have done something special (in which case, find a situation where you could praise him as an incentive). Maybe there is no one who would do it for you. If so, feel free to praise yourself.

When you have managed to do something, shout "YES!" and confirm this with a gesture of victory. Think about the benefits and benefits that this luck has brought you, immerse yourself in a sense of triumph, you can even give yourself something: it can be anything – from a bar of chocolate or a hearty dinner to a nice little thing.


Many of us are held back by the thought that we cannot be objective and should not praise ourselves. When no one praises you, do not be afraid to do it yourself – stress is greatly reduced when we control the situation, and control involves the ability to rejoice in success.


There is no need to do more than just say to yourself: "Everything went very well" and allow yourself a big smile, but the impact of this on the mental state is very large. Be happy with yourself more often – know that you deserve it.

Agreement on mutual respect

Social relations arose simultaneously with people, and their need for respect – simultaneously with these relations. Recognition of the autonomy of the individual and its uniqueness, attitude to it with respect indicate a high level of culture of relations. Only differences and identity (ethnic, sociocultural, individual, sexual) give a person uniqueness and exclusivity.

At this stage, the principles and conditions of communication, cooperation and coexistence are jointly established, and similarities and differences are identified. It is important to realize that:

it is possible and necessary to discuss any problems – only in this way can we find ways to solve them; it is necessary to respect social values ​​and basic rules of coexistence / cooperation in the community and obey them; holistic recognition of another person’s uniqueness and mutual respect is the only way to create a peaceful atmosphere; the desire to bring everyone together and make them equal is unreal, irrational, moreover – dangerous, because it allows depersonalization of the individual.

Establishing effective relationships – the transition from a passive phase to a phase of effectiveness

Of course, only in the phase of activity the spirit of tolerance will become an integral part of the personality, with predictable and stable behavior in communication.